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Editorial - Buy a Chihuawatch !

Editorial Buy a Chihuawatch !

Seduced by the functions of a smartwatch ? Why don't you forget about this soulless, vulgar electronic thingy. The micro-dog is the future of wearables.

 You've chosen it because it's supposedly an interactive, self-proclaimed intelligent object that can also watch your pulse ? But these smartwatch specs are nothing, peanuts, compared to what the  Chihuawatch can do. Instead of wearing a small wrist computer that pretends to be a watch, strap a small dog on your arm.

First off, the Chihuawatch is effectively intelligent and capable of deep learning. It'll keep you warm in the winter and help you stand out. A watch sold to the tune of 5 millions copies a month is absolutely nothing like exclusive and can hardly set you apart from the masses.

Also, the Chihuawatch has integrated anti-intrusion alarm capabilities, and good luck trying to steal it ! It can wake you up at a pre-determined time (as long as it's the first morning pee's) and on demand, it can either do it with small cute yelps or by licking the tip of your nose. Try and teach a haptic return system that !

The Chihuawatch is hand-, finger- and voice-activated with a top-of-the-line facial and voice recognition system called a brain. It also offers functions such as GPS, backtrack itinerary and rings the alarm in case of elderly fall. On top of it all, it will gladly carry your newspaper and slippers in its little mouth. For the true case for the Chihuawatch is its OS centered on love, affection, fidelity and tenderness.

Furthermore, it has been demonstrated that dogs and their hyper-developped sense of smell are capable of spotting a wide array of diseases, including certain types of cancer. So forget about this ridiculous arrhythmia app and opt for a portable preventive oncology assistant.

Since we're on the topic of health and prevention, you should also consider its integrated diet app. At the restaurant, in front of your pile of a plate, it won't stop yelping, making you feel sorry for its little cute face with its wide teary eyes and you won't have a choice but to yield : ok, it can have your 7th sparerib with barbecue sauce and the remainder of your French fries. 

Last but not least, the Chihuawatch has a several-day autonomy, with fast-charge on any outlet of dog food, bones, leftovers or any substance you haven't yet soak up from the bottom of you plate.

Ok, it's not all rosy and easy. A Chihuawatch won't fit under your shirt cuff and weighs about 4 pounds, which isn't really light by today's watchmaking standards. It costs about as much as a Hermes Applewatch and will cost you an arm and a leg at the vet. But it's lightyears away from a mass produced fruit pretending to be a luxury item. The Chihuawatch is man's new best friend.

Lecture 2 Comment(s)

11 January 2021
Stephane Tencer
Ça fait du bien de se LÂCHER ! Merci. Et Bravo pour l’article metaphore!
11 January 2021
Annette-France COURTIEU
tellement vrai bien que, personnellement, je préfère la YorkiEwatch qui peut aussi vous sauver la vie : battue par mon époux, en coma profond, mon york est parvenu à ouvrir la porte de l'appartement et à alerter les voisins. Merci Jelly